The heartbreak of miscarriage is experienced by women all across the world, and yet, it remains an uncomfortable topic of conversation for many. Expectant mothers are not taught how to prepare emotionally for miscarriage, and the immense feelings of loneliness and helplessness can cloud over. Many women often find themselves grieving alone – mourning their child they have never had the pleasure of meeting, but whose life and future they had dreamt about.
Losing Sammy is a collection of twelve letters written by Valerie Theng to an unnamed mother after she suffers the miscarriage of her son. The letters speak of loss and loneliness, strength and courage, love and hope, and an overwhelming sense of peace. They seek to encourage, console, and to serve as a reminder that these women are not alone, but that:
“Our heavenly Father is indeed a gracious and loving God. Although these letters were initially written with surging pain, I rejoice to tell you that I am finally at peace. My Lord has indeed caused me to sing and dance again. The season of grief has passed, and I am sure it will too for those who begin their journey with me in my time of grief. For He is more than able.”
A really helpful book about miscarriages and how women feel as they go through the months that follow. As a woman who has had 4 miscarriages now I was really able to relate to this book. I felt like Valerie was writing her letters directly to me, each one caused me to cry as I read the thoughts and feelings she had during the months following her miscarriage and was reminded of how I felt too. There were a couple of things that I felt differently about but as Valerie wrote, people do react differently to certain things. I also gave this book to my husband to read, we chatted about it afterwards and he also found it really helpful and comforting, not only for how he was feeling but also as a way of understanding what I was feeling. I would highly recommend this book to anyone who has suffered a miscarriage, or knows someone who has had a miscarriage as it helps with understanding what people are going through and helps if you don’t know what to say to the person.
This is a helpful honest and frank little book about the sorrow and confusion that miscarriage will bring. it doesn’t offer any easy answers, but looks to the comfort and hope that God will bring – often through other Christians as we trust in Him in our grief.
Losing Sammy is most helpfully written. Each of Valerie’s eleven letters finishes with an upward glance, reassuring the reader of a loving, ever present God, who can only be, and is always faithful. Having read these letters, I now realise, that what I felt twenty two years ago was ‘normal’. Grief is a journey. I like Valerie, look forward to heaven, when I will be able to love my unborn child and will understand in full, God’s perfect sovereignty. This is where Valerie’s book so wisely and comfortingly ends – with another upward glance!
No–one really talks about miscarriages; it’s something you’re expected to deal with quietly. I read this book shortly after my third miscarriage and to read what Valerie had written in her raw stage of grief was just what I needed. To know that someone else has felt what you’re feeling is so reassuring. And even if you haven’t had a miscarriage, reading this will help you understand how those who have are feeling. A much needed resource.
If you are bearing the loss and heartbreak of miscarriage, let Valerie Theng walk that road with you. Written with searing honesty and deep empathy, Valerie’s heartfelt letters will remind you of God’s love and faithfulness, and help you see glimmers of hope and healing in the darkness. If you haven’t experienced miscarriage personally, then this book is also for you! Reading Valerie’s record of her journey through grief will help you understand, support and care for others who know the pain of miscarriage themselves.
Many of us will be called to pastor and care for those who are journeying through the grief of a miscarriage. Often we are unsure of what to do or say. Through these letters, we are helped to understand how we can lament with those who are wounded. The voices are refreshingly raw and honest, giving us insight into hearts that mourn. And yet, through the deep sorrows, we hear words of compassion and comfort. This book helps us, and those we minister to, find shelter in the warm embrace of our heavenly Father.
Miscarriage is rarely talked about and as a midwife I have spent many painful hours with grieving women. It is an invisible pain and one that many find very difficult to discuss. Valerie Theng’s honest and brave account of her own personal heartbreak of losing her child conveys the journey that many women travel along. However, the hope that Valerie gives through this book is the only hope that we all have to help us through the struggles of this earthly life in that God, who also knows the pain of loss in the death of His Son Jesus Christ, is the ultimate Healer.
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